


help i'm alive (my heart keeps beating like a hammer)

by valkyrierising



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Episode Tag, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-28
Updated: 2016-10-28
Packaged: 2018-08-27 12:28:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8401744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valkyrierising/pseuds/valkyrierising
Summary: He leaves the main area of the jet to go find the one person who isn't scared shitless or wants to murder him on sight.He doesn't know why he felt a connection to this woman, someone he barely knew yet trusted. He doesn’t think that the Ghost would lie to him, but he thought his own judge of character was decent.





	

**Author's Note:**

> title comes from metric's 'help i'm alive' (the acoustic version specifically for this fic).

He spends ten minutes chastising himself for going back into the prison. He’s mad that the fifth street loco guy was in prison not repenting, and that he compromised his uncle for him. But there isn’t much he can do besides go forward and live with that choice. Unfortunately, and this was all on him, the anger was only magnified by the Ghost Rider so he _knows_  how badly he fucked up. He spends another ten finding Coulson on this damn plane to find a way to contact Gabe and Janet's older sister to pick him up. The other agents are scared of him, naturally, besides Agent May’s permanent stink eye following him. She watches him like a hawk around the main area, managing to do three other tasks in between. It's a contrast against Mack’s own wary trust in him following today. He leaves the main area of the jet to go find the one person who isn't scared shitless of him or wants to murder him on sight.   
  
He doesn't know why he felt a connection to this woman, someone he barely knew yet trusted. He doesn’t think that the Ghost would lie to him, but he thought his own judge of character was decent. Everything about Daisy said ally, despite the near murderous attempts against him. He knew that as the Ghost Rider, rational thought went out the window for a lot of people. The Ghost’s judgement of her soul told him everything he needed - despite her actions, she defended people, and she defended him against these SHIELD people.   
  
Maybe that's why he finds himself looking for her, thinking on the overheard snippets of Agent Johnson's suicide run in the prison. They speak about her in hushed tones like she's some kind of secret. He adds it to the ongoing puzzle he has of Daisy; as an ex-agent, a haunted woman, someone who was loved by people despite her own self believing she was worthy. He doesn't think anyone can understand her. He moves towards the other level of the jet, remembering her sanctuary she made near the top. As it is, he sees her in the same place she was before the mission, just a lot more banged up.   
  
“So I heard you tried to kill yourself back there.” He says coming up to her. She slams her laptop shut, looks up at him with a defiant tilt of her chin and a raised eyebrow.   
  
“If you're gonna lecture me, save it. I'm a big girl who makes her own decisions. Was it reckless? Absolutely. Would I have deserved it? Yes.” He doesn’t know what he expected, knowing a facet of her personality when they were down in the street was different from the other facet she displayed in the jet. She held herself at a distance, a fire inside of her soul connecting with him. But there’s longing and hauntedness that clings to her as she does her best to avoid everyone in this jet. He recognized the similarity to his own avoidance, but to him it’d always been more natural to disconnect and be on his own. It feels wrong against her, the solo role clashing against what he knew of her - persistent and reckless, loyal and kind.

 

She opens her laptop again, shutting him out. Here was a spitfire, someone who could go toe to toe with him despite her own fear. Daisy refused to bow towards anything that scared her, the reckless bravery endearing himself towards her as he recalled his own first few months as a Rider before it more or less mellowed out.

 

“That's bullshit,” he states flatly, knowing it would get a rise out of her. He’s concerned at the bruises that bloomed violently on her forehead and faint handprints around her neck. They’ve joined the rest of the violence she inflicts on her own body like tattoos, the faded shiner of her eye and the cut above her cheek. She was something else. A masterpiece that was taken apart clumsily and brutally, leaving something shredded behind. She still dragged herself up.

 

“Excuse me?” She blinks once at him, shoving her laptop aside to get up. The ghost didn't have much thought besides enacting retribution and vengeance and judging the damned but he'd be lying if they both weren’t slightly thrilled at the challenge Daisy presented. He kept a distance around everyone ever since he died and came back to life, caring for only Gabe and himself. He donned his own armor of solitude for so long it wasn't until Daisy pushed back that he found there were exposed parts, that she shook his world, tried to make a hero out of him. His solitude was necessary, an added precaution against hers that seemed to be a punishment.

  
It wasn’t exactly the easiest job as the Ghost Rider and emotions weren’t his forte but something about misery loving company stands out to him as to why he still stuck around her.

 

“I don't know you but you care too damn much. These people you have care about you. And you're too busy being the martyr to see it.” He thinks of Mack, who looks at her like a kicked puppy, and Agent May who had a poker face better than anything he'd seen but loved Daisy fiercely. She shut down the agents that brought up her suicide run at the prison and glared at him when she noticed him leave the area to presumably find her. He saw how she and Mack worked in sync as co-leaders, the other agents the other agents who looked to Mack warily but acquiesced at his nod. They loved her, and she clearly loved them.  


She glares at him, folding her arms across her chest.

  
  
“You're right we don't know each other because if we did, you would know that they've sacrificed enough for me.”   


“And yet here you are.” He says, leaning back against the wall. He's known her for about a week or two but he understands this - everyone needed someone. And Daisy Johnson was the furthest thing from a lone wolf, who cared too deeply for others, who somehow thought that he, Robbie Reyes, the Ghost Rider, would be a good ally. She had heroic written all over her and he wonders what on earth caused someone to carry the weight of the world, the Inhumans all the while begging to be taken out. How badly someone needed to be broken that caused her to self-loathe like it was going out of style.

  
His tether was Gabe, the reminder to keep the Ghost on the shortest leash possible, to remind himself to come home. It was all he needed from the beginning, and all he would need. He wonders where her tether went. She turns to leave again, and he knows that he can’t let her be alone. Taking care to catch her injured arm with as much care as is possible but unrelenting in his hold, he catches her fist. She looks down to see his gloved hand holding hers, raising an other eyebrow but moves to stand in front of him.

 

“What went wrong?” He says softly as possible, knowing that riling her up and holding her back could backfire on him spectacularly if he weren’t careful. And despite everything that transpired, she trusted him even with the knowledge of the Ghost Rider. He sees her eyes move every which way except at him, but she still holds onto his hand.

 

“What doesn’t,” she huffs, rubbing at her eyes. “I told May and Coulson to get your uncle and I would hold back the other prisoners. And if something went wrong well, it’s not exactly like it was unwarranted.” She doesn’t cry, but he can see her bite her lip to keep the emotions inside.

 

The realization strikes him; of course she’d lost tethers. The woman who shook the earth had her own foundation shaken so badly she marooned herself. He drags her down back to her original spot, pushing her laptop with his foot to the side so he could sit himself beside her. He can’t leave her alone, and he has nowhere else to be so he presses up against her shoulder and waits. He’s made peace with his past, with the goddamn failure of this afternoon, but understands that he’ll get another chance soon. Daisy needed someone, anyone, to pull her back from the abyss she desperately craved and they wait for Coulson to call them when they’ve managed to pinpoint where Uncle Eli was taken.

 

Everyone needed someone, and it’s not like he had any other places to be at the moment.


End file.
